“Maybe I’m just not good enough…maybe I should choose a different career…maybe I’m not hearing from God…maybe I should just throw in the towel and call it quits.”
Yes, I believed in God. I believed “God was able to change my situation.” I believed “He wouldn’t give me more than I could bear.” I believed “This too shall pass.”
You guessed it, I believed all of the cliches.
However, when you are IN a storm, sometimes you are unable to see your way through it, much less out of it.
In late 2011, I became unemployed. Initially, I did not know how to react to it. I thought for sure I would find another job quickly, because I am a pretty ambitious and motivated person, but that did not happen. As the days went by, and I submitted application after application, revised my resume a million times, I began to question myself AND God.
Why is nothing happening for me?
Eventually, I became functionally depressed. The days all looked the same, I was there, but not fully present. If you look at my Instagram, you’ll find tons of pictures where I am smiling, but I was not happy. I knew there was more for me to do. God’s given me so many gifts, why can’t I catch a break?!
Simultaneously, I fell into the trap of comparing myself to others. They seemed to be accomplishing more than me. I was genuinely happy for them, but could not help to wonder when it would be my turn. But then 1 Timothy 6:6-8 got me together, “Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.”
I was not content with where I was or with what God was trying to do, nor was I truly trusting Him. I made a conscious decision to be content with where I was, and trusted Him to direct my path.
I didn’t have a church home at the time, because I relocated. I felt the need to go to church and reconnect. The online sermons from Bedside Baptist were no longer enough, :-). A friend recommended a church that was within their network of churches, located in Washington, D.C. When I arrived, the first thing I received from the greeter was a postcard that said “Welcome Home.” I thought, “God, seriously?! How am I home already, lol?!” I was captivated by the service, and it was the refresher I needed.
I continued to attend, and even joined a life group. The four months of life group were great; new friendships were formed, and they helped me to stay focus and stand firm in my faith. By the end of life group, I was employed, and working in the beauty industry – the field I love!
The last three years were a challenge, but I can see now that God was molding me. He was helping me become a better version of myself…and He still is. Although it seemed like a dry season, God was always working. Now, I’m content, I trust Him to direct my path, and I am happy!
Yanny has been in the beauty industry for over 10 years as a professional makeup artist and beauty advisor. She recently launched her blog, fabulouslyfrugalgal.com, in an effort to help women meet their beauty needs on a budget. @YannyFab_Chung